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All 19 game Reviews

Archer Heroes Archer Heroes

Rated 1 / 5 stars

This review is after playing about 20 minutes of the game.

Let's first focus on the good parts of the game, which aren't many of:
The controls: It's an archery game so expecting an amazing set of controls, although, it'd be nice if the guy remembered the angle of the last shot. It's not something you HAVE to have in your archery game, but it'd be nice to have.

The AI: To be perfectly honest, most of the time it's completely retarded. I'm not sure if it's intentionally missing its shots or not, but MOST of the time it's not much of a threat. MOST of the time, but more on that later.

The story: It's a bit... odd... but ok, I suppose? I don't have much to say on the topic of the story, other than the occasional odd spelling choices and wanting to punch the main hero in the face for screaming "yyyuuuuumiiiiiiii" on the topic of apples, and consuming about five or seven of them in one go. Afterwards proceeding to consume (?) three birds and three wild boars... I'm slightly curious what happened to those... does he just leave the corpses to rot there?

And now for the bad parts
The mechanics: You can't move your view around and you always get the first shot, or so you think... that first shot is always wasted on what I began to call a "scout arrow", an arrow to see where the targets are on the map and how many of them. Why the "how many of them" part? Because the game, in at least 3 levels told me there are 0/0 targets, while there were quite a bit more. Also, Your health doesn't matter. Regardless of how much HP you have, you get shot, you die, while your enemies can occasionally survive more than one shot if your damage isn't up to par.

The scream thing: MAKE IT STOP! Dear lord, it may just be the most annoying sound I've ever heard in my entire life! There are other reasons I hate that sound, but I prefer to not post them here...

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Pretentious Game 2 Pretentious Game 2

Rated 5 / 5 stars

it's a parody of that other game... quantum chamber or whatever it's called, isn't it?

Shop Empire Shop Empire

Rated 5 / 5 stars

my bathroom was robbed...


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RPG Shooter: Starwish RPG Shooter: Starwish

Rated 5 / 5 stars

you epic SOB!

i shed a tear. A FUCKING TEAR!
jesus f christ, write a book, son! (my apologies if you're actually a girl, xdanond sounds manly)
i will be the first in line to buy, read, and possibly furiously masturbate over it.

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Kung Fu Attack Kung Fu Attack

Rated 5 / 5 stars

a little specification required

"the goblin slime tower" bugs me a bit.
is the slime produced by the goblins, as in "goblin-slime", or is it "slime-tower",
a tower made out of slime.
even worse, "goblin-slime-tower", a tower produced entirely out of goblin slime.
whatever the answer may be, the responce to that is single: EWWWW!!!! Dx

bitpimp responds:

It is a tower BUILT out the shell that rests on top of the great slime beast.

The great slime beast cannot digest a goblin without getting terribly ill, so it puts up with the little goblins living on it's back.

Greek & Wicked Greek & Wicked

Rated 5 / 5 stars

took me a while...

it took me a while to figure out that "HEY! THIS IS FUCKING GOW HERE!"
and then i couldn't move for the following 20 or so minutes because i couldn't stop laughing. and couldn't breathe.
you're going to pay my medical bill >.>

Momentum Missile Mayhem 3 Momentum Missile Mayhem 3

Rated 5 / 5 stars


it's a nice game... but why the hell does it say "loading in progress, please wait" in russian?!

MindFeed MindFeed

Rated 4 / 5 stars


the first time i did this it describe me perfectly o.o;
i was almsot disturbed.
now it's wrong, despite me being honest. =/

Draw My Thing Draw My Thing

Rated 5 / 5 stars

cool game

i never played this game, but i assume there are many MANY people who draw penises. >_>;;

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The Torture Chamber III The Torture Chamber III

Rated 5 / 5 stars

lol cheat!

the game is great and i found a cheat!
set the temperature to -1. the guy will start losing hp till he reaches 98.5x then he'll heal 1hp and get to 99.5x, then he'll lose hp till he gets to 98.5 and heal 1 hp again. INFINITE LOOP!!!

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